Tonight is just one of those nights a million thoughts are running through my head mercilessly. I always tell myself as much as possible that everyone is good-hearted by nature and no one is born evil. Somewhere deep within someone we hate ultimately has a good heart, and that we should always give people the benefit of the doubt/second chance. It’s not that I don’t judge or get angry but I’d forgive someone readily as long as he or she seems sincere to me. I try not to hate or box someone up based on hearsay or rumours until I experience their deviousness myself because sometimes, words get twisted along the way don’t they? I’ve always kept silent about misgivings. I really just want to believe in the essence of goodness in everyone. That’s how I’ve always thought and believed, but I think it’s time to stop it because I’ve been disappointed too many times. Friends who choose not to be upfront about problems but go behind your back to twist stories instead of getting first-hand facts/explanations from you, friends who pretend to be your good friends verbally but execute no action and simply complain you’re drifting away from them, people who seem to have a thousand masks and you really don’t know which one is the real them, people who get close to you only because you benefit them in some way or another, people who try to live life too much and forget the true meaning of life, people who are too caught up with wealth and fame and are blinded to see the more important things in life, friendships you thought were rooted firmly yet falter at the most insignificant temptation.
I think it’s enough reasons for me to quit my naivety and learn to accept and deal with the real way of life. Perhaps it’s true that we should give people benefit of the doubt, but it is also true that you don’t give out your trust when they haven’t done anything to earn it. And it’s even more true that your graciousness to them sometimes could be a one way track and get exploited. Who’s the one who gets hurt in the end? It’s you. Unfortunately, humans are not as simple and selfless as we wished for them to be. People whom you thought you could rely on sometimes are people who would bite you on your back.
“Don’t mistake my silence for ignorance, my calmness for acceptance, or my kindness for weakness.”
It’s not that I’m unaware, but because I had chosen to look past it. Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them an extra bullet for their gun because they missed you the first time. And from now, I don’t wanna spare those bullets anymore. Goodnight.