Celebrated my sister’s birthday @ home last week. She’s 23 years old now, and boy how time flies. I still remember those days when we were still in kindergarten uniform singing birthday song in front of a small fruit cake in our home at Yishun. And boomz, she’s now 23 and I’m 21. I was never a very expressive person cos I feel awkward being mushy but I love my sister. She was always very protective of me when I was young. Sometimes she would make me hide behind her when my mum wanted to cane me. And being an extremely lazy girl, I always left my toys on the floor after playing and she’d pack them for me. God put her and my parents in my life for a reason and I’m really thankful for them.
Anyways, I just got back from Bangkok on Sunday morning and I’ve been spending the entire weekend with Daniel. After 3 long weeks of confinement, he came to pick me up from the airport and I stayed over for 2 nights. It was extremely wonderful to be with him again and I guess army is making me cherish our time together more. It’s another 4 days till I can see him. He’s the b e s t thing that EVER happened to me, and I swear nothing can replace us as one. He’s indispensable in my life already.
I’m gonna turn in now cos I’ve got a shoot tomorrow! Have I mentioned that I’m going to Bali next week for a trip and KLM is flying me there on business class!!! 1 more week and I’ll be gone again, but I promise I’ll blog more this week (:
Packing my luggage now for my 7.15am flight. I’m so gonna spam coconut and mango juice, shabu shabu, basil leave chicken rice, pad thai, khao pad, som tam. Can’t wait to see Daniel when I’m back though. Back to packing. Give me half an hour, I’ll be done!
I have so much admiration for this woman because I can imagine the amount of courage she mustered to overcome her fear, and much less document this.
After watching this video, I thought I’d share something really personal with y’all today. It’s something I’ve never told many. When I was 14, I got molested twice by the same man on 2 consecutive days(or was it alternate, i can’t really remember. but i know the two days were not far apart). It was my usual morning bus ride from home to school and suddenly I felt a man intentionally brushing his fingers past my chest when I was seated on the aisle seat and he was standing adjacent to me. I was too young, too shocked and too fearful to react as I should have. I just got off the bus feeling extremely scared and sad at the same time. I held my tears till I was home and cried for hours before I could get to sleep. The next day, I took the same bus not expecting the molester to strike again… but he did. And this time he touched my thighs. I stared so hard at him and he flashed me a cheeky grin. I couldn’t take it anymore, I felt violated and imagine… I was merely 14 years old. Thankfully my sister was with me so we told my form teacher and my parents about it, and I went to make a police report on that very night.
I was escorted to school on the 3rd day by a few policemen in the same bus, hoping the molester would strike again so he’d be caught this time and till today I thank God that the fucking greedy man appeared and got caught the moment I pointed him out to the police. Yes, he’s a fucker and he was put behind bars. I wasn’t the only victim. He even molested few other girls when he was on probation.
Though he was already in jail , a phobia developed in me and it was so strong. I cried on alternate nights because flashing images kept playing in my mind. I couldn’t wipe the smirk off his face in my head. I felt scared, I felt “dirty”. I was really wholly enveloped with fear, and I couldn’t stop crying for so long. I remember even in school my mind would drift to that incident and I’d go to the toilet to wipe off my tears. It was horrible. It took me pretty long to finally stop crying but over time, I realised I was afraid to take bus especially when it’s crowded.
It did not help that I didn’t like to be touched(even by my parents, I’d feel uncomfortable) since young so this incident made it a lot worse. I remember there was once I cringed when my ex-boyfriend held my hand and I just quickly slipped my hand out of his. Of course as I grew older, I got more used to body contact and I’m okay with it now.
However the bus phobia hasn’t left me yet. Up till now, after 8 long years I feel scared when the bus gets crowded and when a man is near me. Only my ex-boyfriend and Daniel know about my bus phobia so they would always hold me tight when the bus gets really crowded. It’s getting a lot better and I don’t feel as scared as before but it’s not completely gone.
It was a horrible experience to get molested, especially at such tender age so I can only imagine how awful it is for the woman in the video to be raped. Mine’s nothing compared to hers. I’m really glad it’s over for me and her, and that she’s happily and courageously getting married. It might have caused a phobia in our lives, but… fall seven times, stand up eight. We are not gonna let these douchebags have their way around us.
I can’t believe I just blogged about something so personal, but I really admire this woman’s courage to move on and I feel relatable to her.